I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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