Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
