i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
