I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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