Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
