the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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