I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
