im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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