I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude. I can hear the air.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
