Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
