If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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