That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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