I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
