You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
