I never want to see another naked old woman again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
