Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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