Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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