ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
