you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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