I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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