An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So vagazzling was a success
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
