i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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