I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
