dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is pants optional.
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