I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I want is dick and wine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
