I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
