She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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