she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
