Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i will never coherently bang her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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