i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pants are for mortals
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
