guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
