Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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