she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
