I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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