I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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