I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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