apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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