I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
