My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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