not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
