I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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