everyone is single if you try hard enough
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
