I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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