Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
4 words: hood of his car
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
