Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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