Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
