In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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