I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
