Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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