Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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