I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My penis needs a shock collar
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
