I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cut my penus on the lid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
