that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
