your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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