so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
