it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
