he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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