your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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