what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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