your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
