I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
