apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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