Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
