if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
