You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
