discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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